...after all this has passed...

So my sister came to visit me today. I was glad to see her, and not just because she brought some CDs and my MP3 player. We went out to eat at the Mexican restaurant near the school, and she told me about some of the junk that's going on at home. I'm not going to mention it, because it's too personal. But let's just say, it makes me want to scream, and cry, and cuss, and give someone a good shaking. It's something that has rocked my world. But instead, we came back to my room, put a movie on, watched it, I told her goodbye, and that was it.

I'm probably going to write it in my journal, because I need to get it out. But honestly, there's just so much in my head right now. One thing that keeps popping up is I wonder sometimes if I'm ever going to find someone who's willing to marry me. I'm so screwed up. I don't trust people. I've had virtually everyone I love and trust betray me. Whenever I think maybe it's safe to forgive those past problems, wham, they slam the knife into my soul again. When is it going to end?! I have only eighteen months left. Eighteen months and I move to Kentucky, and I'm free. My life will be my own. Kentucky has come to mean so much to me. It's not just the job I want, or the area I want. Kentucky is the light at the end of the tunnel.

My current theme song is "Beauty From Pain" by Superchick.

The lights go out all around me
One last candle to keep out the night.
And then the darkness surrounds me
I know I'm alive but I feel like I've died.

And all that's left is to accept that's it's over
My dreams ran like sand through the fists that I've made.
I try to keep warm, but I just grow colder.
I feel like I'm slipping away.

(chorus)
After all this has passed, I still will remain
After I've cried my last, there'll be beauty from pain.
Though it won't be today, someday I'll hope again
And you'll bring beauty from pain.
You will bring beauty from this pain.


There's more to it, but I can't type it in now.